GIGO
Tonight I was caught by a tsunami of self-justification and hostility as a means of my conversant making herself right and righteous about the hell world in which she chooses to live, calling it her “destiny,” and, of course, making me wrong for suggesting she could choose another way.
Cogitating about it all afterward, I was reminded of Fritz Perls (gestalt therapist), known for his social rudeness that tended to be passed off as a sign of his great height of vision. His attitude seemed to be that we deserved his rudeness, as we obviously lived at a lesser height of vision or we would, what?, have no questions?
We were at dinner one night and I asked a neutral, noninflammatory, question. He looked at me, looked down, blinked a couple of times, and then let loose on me, apparently as my punishment for asking anything of him. However, in his looking down and blinking, I saw he was reaching for his rudeness response, his way of reasserting that this was his way of being known.
No doubt a brilliant man, he was the originator of the ‘hot seat’ position in therapy, designed to be a no-excuses spotlight where only the down and dirty Truth could be told. His famous book is In and Out of the Garbage Pail.
However, socially he was a disaster, apparently addicted to his personality (his false ego (see Glossary)) which included, and leading with, this rudeness schtick. Due to his unavailability, how could anyone be friends with him? He must have been very lonely.
Through it all, I learned some things from him that have stayed with me and been very useful in my own journey of learning and understanding. Glad to have been in his circle of influence for a moment; glad the glare of his attention on me was soon over.